I think it is interesting to note at which times your muscle memory fails. I bang my hip on the handsink at the bar on an almost nightly basis. You’d think my brain would’ve trained my paces to veer a bit more to the left when I turn the corner, but it won’t. I’m not a tiny girl, but I’m no Walter Hudson either, so I know it’s not for lack of maneuvering space.
I think of this when my mind travels to Moscow with its non-downtown and its Ed Hardy devotees. What has happened to the muscle in my brain that should say, “This is ridiculous, things are different over the telephone, sweetheart”? And what’s another question, is was that muscle damaged or healed at one point to make it act like this? Why does it act this way?
I am certain it was healed, because my thoughts snap back to Moscow every time I think of my upcoming birthday. At 30 I will receive a croquembouche cake, I am sure of it, and my new life will begin. This is according to my mom, in so many words.
In my 30s, she says, I will buy a house. I will marry a man. I will produce a child, I may even go for two. I shall purchase health insurance and I will go to the dentist. I will develop a small, secure network of friends with whom I will brunch and I will arrange playdates for my chid(ren) and theirs. I tell her this is fine, but can I keep my clutter? My Xbox? My party bong and mini beer-fridge? Can I still think The Burbs is the shit and can I laugh hysterically every time I see that “Dick in a Box” SNL skit and every time I hear Tenacious D?
Yes, she says, you can do all that.
What is growing up? Is it accepting that there is a rhythm to life and your job here is to figure a way to fit yourself in? What is fitting in? Is it the day you realize that even though your soul mate of a husband trains for marathons and looks better than you do without a shirt on, he still thinks you’re perfect the way you are, and you’re okay with that? What is “doing it right?” Montessori School for the kids, volunteer work, paying bills on time?
“Every day is better than the next,” he says. When you actually believe that, does that mean you’ve arrived?