Chip. Oat. Lay.

Dear people of Carrboro,

It is said by many educators and parents and, well, people with common sense, that a great way to teach children to speak correctly is by speaking correctly to them.  They will repeat what they hear.  For instance, if you are out of Doritos, and your child asks you, “You ain’t got no Doritos no more?” the correct response is, “No, I do not have any more Doritos.”  If they say, “Can I have biskettis tonight?” you should not say, “No.”  You should say, “No, you may not have spaghetti tonight.”  It’s a nice, easy way to indirectly tell them they are stupid and useless.  Hopefully they will eventually learn how to use grammar and pronounce things correctly thanks to your example.  Children’s minds are malleable and they have no feelings, so it’s fine to use this tactic.  Montessoris do it all the time.

Why, then, WHYWHYWHY, after a solid six months of positive repetition and patient, passive aggressive instruction, am I STILL failing to teach the adults of Carrboro how to correctly pronounce the fucking word CHIPOTLE?

It’s not hard.  It’s not weird.  There are three syllables and there are no silent letters.




Yes, I understand that the “e” is tough.  It’s an “ay” sound.  Some of you want to say “Chip-oat-ell.”  And while that’s incredibly ignorant and extremely annoying, it’s understandable.  What I don’t get is you goddamn Mensa rejects who say “Chip-ol-tay.”

C.    H.  I.  P.  O.  T.  L.  E.

What would posses you to switch the “T” and the
“L” anyway?  “Chip-ol-tay?”  What IS that?  If I transposed two different letters and said “Chip-tow-lay” you’d look at me funny.  If your name is “Steven” and I pronounced it “Sveeten” you’d think I was dumb.  Why can’t you just read the damn word and say what you see?

If I have my shitty fast food restaurants right, I’m pretty sure there’s an entire McDonald’s-owned burrito chain called “Chipotle.”  How the FUCK do you pronounce it?  Do you say it wrong every time?  That’s like my grandma who has said “Super Wal-Mark” for twenty years.  But she’s 88, you guys!

It is so bad that I have taken to inscribing the top of my hand with the words “CHIP.  OAT.  LAY.” with permanent marker every time I work.  Seriously, I might get five people a NIGHT who pronounce it correctly.

I suppose in the grand scheme of things it’s not that bad.  If that’s my biggest gripe about work, I guess I’m lucky.  I’m just amazed at people’s ignorance sometimes, the way normal dudes can take a perfectly phonetic word and put an imaginary one in its place.

Part of me wants to launch into a rant about those people who think that since they’re in a Mexican place they feel the need to pronounce everything, even the word “Mastercard,” with a fake  Mexican accent, loudly, and then look around the room to see who is impressed at their cultural sensitivity.  If they want to speak fake-Spanish, they can start with the word “Chipotle.”  But that’s a blog all by itself.  Don’t worry, it’s coming.



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Filed under batshit morons/why the weird?, Carrburritos, humor, life

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