More Retard Encyclopedia Fun from 1938!

Dearest Billy,

I went back to the thrift store yesterday from the rest of that outdated encyclopedia set as promised. Lackey, Ponyboy, Roommate and I sat down for hours and hours and learned all sorts of awesome things! The world was very different in 1938. We didn’t even have a problem with Hitler yet according to the GRE-JES Volume.

Here are some more stunning facts for your enjoyment! Lots of pictures this time around!

HONDURAS:

According to this encyclopedia, the only thing you really need to know about Honduras is that it stands for “bananas and peace” and, as far as the caption’s concerned, the only identifiable trait of this woman is that she is a “senorita.” Who cares what else there is to know about Honduras!?

DROWNING:

Apparently, methods of saving a drowning victim’s life were different back then. It was some sort of cross between butt sex and a back massage.

And now, please turn your attention to these two birds. They are identified as “GAY FOREST IMITATOR” and “QUEER BIRD.”

But my favorite this time around has GOT to be the picture entry for “HALLOWEEN.” Shown here is a child impaling an already-carved Jack-O-Lantern on a butcher knife. The caption reads, “SERIOUS THREAT TO BLACK MAGIC–The Hallowe’en pumpkin will undoubtedly be expected to frighten off all sorts of goblins after dark.” The writers of this Volume declare, “When witches ride broomsticks across the sky and rules of behavior become quite lax and costumes are seen and parties are held, this is the night we call Hallowe’en.

Lord, I cannot WAIT to read the entry for “Christmas.”

I think that’s about it. I have plenty more, but Ponyboy is whisking me away to the pool hall so we can go play a few games in complete silence, sullenly drinking our beer and waiting for something better to come along. I leave you with these “Well-starched Icelanders” until next time. According to THAT entry, the unmarried ones will gladly make you some tea. Finally, someone to go on your tea-run for you so you won’t have to worry about turning 30 and eschewing beer for Earl Grey.

Love and Picket Fences,

Mandeyabandey

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3 Comments

Filed under batshit morons/why the weird?, humor

3 responses to “More Retard Encyclopedia Fun from 1938!

  1. This has made my month. Especially the Hallowe’en one. People really did throw caution to the wind when it came to pumpkin carving and toddlers wielding giant butcher knives.
    The drowning recovery was priceless and a little uncomfortable to look at. It looks like a tickle resuscitation.
    thank you so much. I needed this laugh today in the worst way.

  2. Wait a minute. That last sentence you wrote makes me think you’re having a bad day. Who do I need to maim?

  3. kittymao

    That was awesome.
    Those poor birds, labelled and discriminated against due to their orientation.
    I feel for them. I do .
    poooh birdeys.

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